Account Dracula

Abbey- how do you do it?! How do you continuously post like this- what’s it been... over two weeks?! That’s commitment.

I was recently asked if I were rich and for once, it was an American and not an East Indian where I bumble through explaining how, technically, I am not. I wipe croissant flakes off of my face and try to explain how the class system works in America, but I feel distracted because the food I am eating while educating this fellow (and his fabulous figure) is so good! No, I am not rich, but I smugly explain how I don’t let money determine my happiness. "I don’t let it control me," is what I condescend to this tiny man with an amazing tan.

If I could be any monster, I would be a “tan”pire and I would only come out 11am to 2pm. Yes, I am reading the Twilight series- I need to know what love feels like.

I try not to ask myself about money too much, out of fear it will distract me from the “who am I?” question I scream inside to drown out the echos of my upbringing. This is a habit that will keep me from any inheritance I might stand to acquire from my father, whom has been constantly grooming me to be able to take care of myself by the time he dies. I can do without a Rat Pack poster and the amazing pair of speakers he found at a garage sale. Where would I keep them anyway, without his storage? I will miss him, but it wont be long because I already promised to kill myself if I am not rich by forty. Oh, yeah, I plan too.

Now that this is all out, I feel like a confession of my most stupid purchases can be made less clandestine than the sheath of mystery I have engulfed myself and all my accounts. IT WILL FEEL SO GOOD TO AIR THIS! I reviewed some of my many stupid fiscal investments/ frivolities and here is a short list:

Before leaving San Francisco, I bought a $9 travel tube to save about $2 worth of body wash.

This pretty much tops the list of examples, but I am sure they span across the sea in equally absurd ways, like when I spent close to 8€ on unripened strawberries... “[whining] but DAAAAd- they weren’t just strawberries- they were fraise!”

It’s easy to spend money while in a foreign place- you want to experience things that cost money to experience, for example I just spent close to 5€ for a coffee at a place that was frequented by Ernest Hemingway- like where could I find a place like that in America?! I also went to Musée National du Moyen Age, or “Middle Aged Museum” in American. I got to say, this was the worst use of 8€.... I looked at all the broken statues and thought “I spent $11.50 to walk around looking at PART of something?!”
I didn’t actually think that as fluently as I just wrote it... I had to look at the currency conversion app on my iPod touch.... a $5 app on a $300 device and I have only used it once. Hi Dad!

All in all, I am good, life is happening whether or not I have a nest fund and I will continue to evolve without food or couture, but probably not my Macbook... I would cease to exist without Facebook, I am pretty sure. Who am I without status updates?! It's a lovely day in Paris, so I am going to go buy a plant for my room and explain to the locals how I live here now in broken French. I will earn respect carrying a potted plant all around town. "She must live here, that isn't something you buy unless you are of residence." I better bring a pen too, in case someone wants my autograph.